So. Today I had a Team Lunch for my team at work. The lunch was at the Cheesecake Factory in a mall. I was twenty minutes early or so, and the restaurant wasn't even open yet when I got there. I decided to use this down time to hit a bookstore, as I have been particularly lacking in literature of late, having voraciously torn through my last five books or so. The bookstore available is a Borders Express, which, practically by definition, doesn't have everything a regular Borders or Barnes & Noble would have. So, I'm poking around, and I find my way to the Buy One, Get One 50% Off table. And I stumble across this book:
and its sequel:
So. Natch, I picked them up, having been a girl who has always battled with The Bulge. Literally, like always.
And, to be honest, I haven't always battled that hard. It is so much easier to decide that I don't care that much, that I am the way I am, and what's the use trying to change it because nothing works anyway. But. If I dig down deep and get to the root of the issue, the reason I've joined gyms here and there in the past five years, and why I buy Frozen Yogurt instead of ice cream most of the time... I hate being fat... or, as they train us whales to talk about ourselves, "heavy," "chubby," or "a bit overweight." I hate it a lot. I hate not being able to shop in ENTIRE STORES because they don't carry a size I can squeeze my fat ass into. I convince myself that I don't really mind it - I find cute stuff in my size, and those other clothes are slutty or ugly anyway. But again, it's self-deception. I hate it.
And, since I'm on this honesty trend, there have been definite periods of time in my life where this physical issue has translated into extreme self-loathing. I'm not really there anymore: I've come to terms with who I am, and I pretty much enjoy that girl. But, it's been there in the past - a lurking, ugly, black rain cloud of hatred and insecurity, living just below the (ample) surface...
Alas, I digress: I bought the books. And started reading the first one... and read it at red lights and between work appointments and errands... and at Starbucks (more on that to follow)... and I was so caught up, I decided to call it a day a little early and head over to the gym, which was to be my eventual destination today anyway (as evidenced by the fact that I actually packed a gym bag before I left the house this morning). And I kept reading it at the gym. And when I got home from the gym, after a shower and a glass of water, I finished the book out on the back deck enjoying the cool sunshine.
The essence of the book - not to ruin anything for anyone - is cut the crap out of your life. And crap covers a whole host of stuff that is equally delicious and addictive, not to mention socially acceptable and politically pushed on us. In a nutshell - go vegan. It goes on about the dangers of and disgusting processing of meat and dairy, explaining that humans are the only animals on the planet who drink the milk of another animal - and we only think it's necessary because of the millions of dollars the Dairy Industry spends every year convincing us of that very fact. Crap also covers processed sugars, caffeine (tear), all meats, cheeses (another tear or twelve), eggs, and on and on.
Despite how painful it is to be made aware of how bad all the foods I hold so dear actually are, the book definitely made an impression on me. So much so that I'm actually considering veganism... which is practically tantamount to suddenly converting to Satanism from a previously pure Puritanical religion. But - the point of the book was made: If you eat crap, you can't be healthy.
I'm definitely not going into this whole hog right away - for lots of reasons. Number one, clearly when you start a "diet" or "lifestyle change" like that and move too fast and deprive yourself of to much all at once, you fail. Very simply. Fail. Number two, I'm not sure that veganism is a move I want to make 100%. I'm not opposed to the basic concept of not eating animal products regularly, but, to be honest, I eat out a lot... and restaurants I go to don't really have a vegan page on the menu. I'm not sure I'm ready for that much of a lifestyle change all at once. But I will start to buy some different products at the grocery store, and start to eat more fruit and veggies than meat and dairy. Whole wheat and whole grains instead of white or enriched. Etc. Going to the gym five days a week instead of one day every five weeks (or less).
I'm getting married in less than a year and a half. I'm in two weddings this summer. I want to look good. But those events aside, I want to feel good. Physically feel good and feel good about myself. And, okay, I want to be a "Skinny Bitch." Without the bitch part. And maybe not even so SKINNY - as much as just fit and healthy and a lot freakin' thinner than I am now.
So often people who are talking about weight loss (in themselves) and so forth are just fishing for people to say "Oh you're not fat!" and "I wish you wouldn't talk that way about yourself" or something comparable. I assure you, if anyone is reading this, I am not fishing. I am trying to assert myself and make a plan that I can stick to and get myself motivated to really lose weight and feel good.
If you can identify, great! I'm so happy that someone out there understands my predicament. If you can't - unless you're a nutritionist or dietitian with something constructive to add or amend - please keep your kind (though false) words to yourself.
PS - I totally had a salad for lunch at Cheesecake Factory and avoided the (deliciously and devilishly alluring) dessert menu! Progress is being made, however small the steps.
[this is good] While I do feel the need to write the obligatory fishing comments, I won't do that because you're not fishing and that's probably not what you want to hear. But anyways, I'm so pro-vanity* now that I've become more aerodynamically sound. No but seriously you'll also feel more confident, etc. which well help in other areas of life more important than the mall (though that be a very important part of life as well). Plus, actually watching what I ate helped me not have food coma all the time which is the state I was in most of my life prior to turning 22, haha. (Oh wait no, that part of life sucked. Not-haha, I mean.) Anyways, I applaud your interest in crap-cutting in general. Perhaps we can share TVP recipes if you go vegan.
P.S. You should check out Java Green if you haven't already. It's downtown on 19th street between L and M I think. I had like, $500 leftover on my Gworld after graduating and I think I spent it all there. Tuna and Fruit Wrap's the way to go. If you would like to Fedex me one, that would be wonderful, and I would be much obliged. And can I also say that I totally discovered that place way before all the hippies did?
*Just kidding, but you know what I mean.
Posted by: professorhippo | 04/16/2008 at 07:19 PM
All things considered, vegan is probably not my best bet. I would spend SO SO much time yearning for meat, sugar, and other terrible things for me to eat. I am working to cut some crap out of my life and hit the gym as often as possible. I am starting physical therapy tomorrow for some absurd back issues that began over the summer... hoping to legitimately fix the problem. But we'll see.
I'll definitely check out Java Green and look into the FedExing of sandwiches.
:) Here's to becoming more aerodynamically sound...
Posted by: Meghan | 04/20/2008 at 02:24 PM
first of all, i find it awesomely ironic that you used a pig analogy to discuss your commitment to the idea of going vegan. XD secondly - i think the thing i've heard most about lifestyle changes re: veganism, etc, is that doing it with someone is a lot easier than doing it alone. i don't know how into the idea derek would be / is, but if he's willing to give it a shot with you, go for it. additionally, you could also just try eating organic - i don't know if you have whole foods or wild oats in DC, but there are 3 WFMs in RI now and speaking as someone who eats from there regularly, it's damn good eating. :D you could easily go mostly vegetarian, and when you do do meat or fish, do it organic. and yes, exercise is a big help-- i think i told you that the only times i've had serious success in weight loss were when i was walking to and from work. anyhoo, my 2 cents. YOUR PUPPY IS ADORABLE. :D
Posted by: emily | 07/08/2008 at 07:58 PM