So after yesterday's post about how everything is good and blah blah blah... well, here goes:
As I drove to work this morning, running only slightly later than I prefer (which is to say, on time, but without the extra time to stop for coffee), it occurred to me - I'm stuck in the Montage Scene.
If you were to imagine my life as a movie, now is the time when you cut to brief moments of very similar scenes, to show the passage of time and to show how everything is the same for awhile. That's what I'm stuck in! Every day, I wake up, struggle to get out of bed, get in the shower, iron my work clothes, put on said work clothes, get in the car, drive to work, wait on people, and leave. It would be much more efficient to just show me putting down the check and smiling at each customer (I mean, "Guest," which is how we are to discuss the patrons of my particular dining establishment), and picking up money. A montage.
I must admit, this passing of time section of my life is a little bit dull... it's not everything, though - only work. I like the job; for the most part I like the people, the actual work is easy, and I'm good at it. But waitressing is not the career I choose, not the path I want... It's for now. But the risk of "for now" is that it slowly turns into "for good" and that's NOT what I want. I've managed to pick up some babysitting stuff, which does help relieve the tedium. But I want to be working on shows! I need creative outlets. I want to be challenged theatrically.
I suppose I sound like a terrible whiner - I have a job, and that's a big deal as times are hard. It's just difficult to be excited about work that doesn't challenge me, particularly when I feel so stuck.
Please don't misunderstand - none of this applies to me and Derek. I'm really happy with him and being with him. He is so wonderfully supportive of my goals, too, which makes this rut of mediocrity I'm in as far as my career goes even harder.
On the Derek front: I had a nightmare last night that I wasn't ready for my wedding... and no one liked my dress. I turned to my mother and asked her if she liked the dress and she said "it's fine," and then I turned around and a whole table of people exclaimed about how the dress "really does nothing for you." I felt crappy all day because of it. Which is absurd.
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